I find that one of the most powerful motivators in my life, as it pertains to relationships, is desiring that people understand me. I want real and deep understanding – not just my words, but the intentions and motives behind them. This desire informs my writing style and drives my conversations. When I talk to people, I tend to take in what they are saying and ask many questions. At the heart of that conversational style lies a deep desire to really understand the person who is talking with me. I want to make sure that I know what they are saying before I respond.
I haven’t always been this way. In the past, I was very quick to assume I knew what someone was saying, and race to the conclusion. The later misunderstanding, and the pain that it caused, created more time than I was saving with my quick conclusions. I have also been misunderstood myself, of course. This happens often. I do not like it when someone does not understand what I am saying. I get even more agitated when someone moves forward – in a conversation, or when executing decisions – based on that misunderstanding.
Why do I get so agitated? Deep down, I want something more than being understood. I want to people to evaluate me properly. I want people who I care about to judge me according to truth, not sentiment. Quick evaluations and assessments of my heart drive me crazy.