Waiting to See What the Future Holds
On May 27th, 2010, I wrote the following words:
“One of my primary roles as a husband and father is to get my kids to buy into honoring and cherishing my wife with all their heart. Our house doesn't work right unless my children see a dad who fights for his bride's destiny and life in God, serving her with understanding (1 Pet. 4:17).”
At the time, Riley Sliker and Lauren Sliker were 11 and 10, Daniel Sliker was 7, and our youngest, Finney, was in the womb. The girls were entering the complex Junior High years - parenting up to that point had been a pretty straightforward exercise in obedience, character development, and lots and lots of teaching.
Now after two graduations this past couple of weeks, I’m in a bit of a reflective mode. I’m in awe of my bride, Tracey Sliker. She is an incredible mom and an amazing wife. I love her more today than ever and I am so thankful to the Lord for her. I think about her as I look back on something I wrote a long time ago, when I knew much, much less about life and what was to come. In your twenties, you learn what the scriptures say about life and godliness; in your thirties, you wonder if the application of those words are going to “work”. Am I rightly interpreting and applying scripture? Is what I am writing “true” in the sense that these words will bear good fruit?
It’s a strange thing to be a writer and a public speaker. I didn’t give as much thought about whether or not my words would hold up - I was, perhaps, more certain of their truthfulness than I had a right to be. You speak, you sew, you invest, and then you wait and see what the future holds.
The Junior High years, as I remember them, involved a lot of protection, a lot of patience and explanations, and a whole lot of prayer and engagement with my kids who, at that stage, seemed almost like entirely different people than the children we once knew. We were concerned. I remember when I wrote those words that I was a bit concerned that the changes our children were going through would be more than we could manage as parents. The Lord, however, had a surprise for us: Finney being born a few months later shifted our girls into a tender, caring mode. She was a huge blessing to our family at the perfect time.
The teen years weren’t always easy. They were, however, consistently enjoyable. Those were the years we watched our children become who they are today. What is unavoidable in those years are the collisions and pain that come from rejection, misunderstandings, accidental cruelty, and self-absorbed insensitivity from themselves and their peers.
Helping your kids overcome pain and offense to forgive and bless is a huge but worthwhile challenge. Helping them have hard but necessary conversations with peers and leaders was a daily fight. Helping them believe the best and stay with it to love Jesus was our continual aim.
In the middle of all of that was the amazing Tracey Perry Sliker. She was tireless and relentless during those years. Teen girls don’t always like their moms, but we’ve learned over time they grow to love them in an entirely new, profound, and deep way. She was a guardian and a protector, a counselor and a friend, a rock and a standard that continually pointed them towards Jesus.
I don’t really know how well I did what I wrote in my initial pronouncement above. It’s easy to say wise words but messy and challenging to live them continually by faith as you work to sow in the Spirit. You want your little ones to honor their mom. You want them to respect and love her, but they do not have the maturity or ability at that stage to see her rightly. Then Junior High and High School happens and you wonder at times if anything took.
But Tracey stayed with it. We have, as you may have guessed, strong kids. Leaders with opinions and strong feelings about what and how they want their world to be. Therefore, collisions. At times, tears. Lots of hugs and encouragements and laughter and family vacations to re-align and work it out.
Years after writing a random parenting goal, I do know this: I love my kids. I love our family and our hard-earned, grace-empowered, prayer fueled, Jesus-centered friendship. I know that the words were true, and today are bearing fruit; however, I also know that backing up my weak and simple words are the activities of a merciful, kind, jealous, and persistent Father in heaven who reached into their hearts to begin to produce something that I can still barely understand. I aimed at something that seemed wise at the time, and then the Lord helped my kids to hit a target far bigger than my vision.